Forgive and Forget
by evil-princez85
Summary: A journey to overcome grief...losing a love and surrendering to pain
1. Jo's Point of View 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any thing associated with Blue Heelers and if I did I would have offered Jane Allsop a lot of money to stay and forced her to stay... well not forced her... insisted is the better term i think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I would have solved Grace's murder a lot quicker!!!

**Dedication:** To all those who begged me to post it especially to Elle... who is a fantastic fic writer so I am nothing in comparison to her!!!!

**Title: Forgive and Forget 1/? **

**Summary:** I would give you one but it would give it away

Here goes...

FORGIVE AND FORGET 1/?

I bathe in the rays of the sun, which provide me with warmth, which in turn engulfs my soul. Sitting here on the seemingly endless coast I feel free. Free of the troubles that have dictated my life for the last couple of weeks.

As I sit on the warm grains of sand, watching the sun set on yet another day, I feel my troubles fade with the sun. I am at last free, but I do feel guilt. Guilt for the deception that I have caused. Guilt for hurting those who love me. However I do not feel guilt for one particular person. I know this is wrong. What do our parents say when we are children? Forgive and forget? As if! If only they knew how hard it is. In time I may forget but forgive- that may or may not eventually come.

I must focus on the future and not dwell on the past. But how can I not dwell? Recalling their last words, their sorry sympathetic faces, telling me how sorry they were. Telling me that it will take time and everything will be fine in the end. I have always wondered how people could say that. Surely they have not being in my position. How dare they! How dare they imply how I feel! How dare they continue on with their normal everyday lives?

Then came that fateful afternoon. I wanted to escape but no one would allow me to. I wanted to be set free. Free from what entraps me. Free from the pain. Free from their reassurances. I begged and begged, but no one would let me go. I feel trapped. How can I get out?

Then came the opportunity. It was staring me right in the face. Like a gust of wind, it breezed so swiftly through the door. I did not know or even contemplate to take the opportunity until it was almost too late. What is that old expression- opportunity barely knocks, but when it does take it. Well, I did, and am starting to regret that decision. I was brought up that we should not regret our actions; rather learn from our mistakes or misunderstandings.

I recall moments that have dictated my course of action on the path that I have taken in the journey of life.

July 2002- It started as a kiss and ended up a mistake

November 2002- He ripped out my heart and shattered it right in front of me

July 2003- He told me that he loved me- all my Christmases had come at once

June 2004- He promised me the world. Then so slowly it slipped from my grasp and fell into the world of the unknown.

July 2004- Opportunity knocks!!!

Back to June 2004

I desperately seek. Search for what I want in life. The answer I discover after a false alarm. After learning the results of my test I discover that I am not pregnant. My heart sinks. Sinks further than ever before. I tell him and I believe that he is also disappointed. But as I recall these events, I am unsure of his true feelings. How can someone I love so much be so two-faced? I thought he loved me, I thought the world of him. Why hadn't he of me? Maybe I was too ignorant to see this but then it hits me like a ton of bricks.

I feel lost. All that I had thought I had known had been taken from me. It was not taken quickly either. Etching at my soul and conscious. Burying me further into the world of depression. I heard his cries. I wanted to comfort, but I could not bring myself to do it. I should have being supportive. But there is only so much a person can tolerate.

With each cry, each comment, each memory that resurfaces, I sink further and further. Friends, colleagues, those around me know I am losing the battle, but remain optimistic. However, I do not. How can I? How can I when everything is shoved in my face and brought out for everyone to see? I want time out. Will someone let me? I need to escape, perhaps everything will be all right.

I thought he loved me. He promised me everything. Everything I wanted. A family with him. Then he proposed. Yes! Yes! Yes! I want to be with him forever. But then the nights came and perhaps guilt got the better of him. His former love came back and destroyed all that we had. I thought it would never happen. After all she had been dead for over four years. The dreams started and the pain he had suffered those years ago reappeared. He began to think about her, even to the point he called me her name. Our colleagues, our friends witnessed this and their hearts sank with mine. But I still thought I could return.

Then came the last straw. I had being pushed so far away. But I thought I could still return. I thought out love would be stronger. He came off the hero, I came out heart-broken. Then I decided to call it quits. I broke off the engagement and tried to escape as fast as I could but my exit was marred by his pleads. I brushed past him without looking back. Far back in my mind I thought we could make it if we had some time to cool off. Live a little, take a breather.

The next day at work was unbearable. He was so dismissive. How could he? How could he just shrug it off? How could he go on like nothing had happened? The others had not know what had occurred the previous night except that I had taken the chance to cool off- moved right out of there, our home.

Ben, now an ex-housemate, a close friend, the one I thought I could confine in did not let me go. I begged. I pleaded. I wanted to go. He would not let me. I wanted a transfer, I wanted to get the hell out. Even though Mt Thomas was large and peaceful, I now felt like I was trapped, cornered, served with a life sentence to go on living in a town that now represented the lowest moments of my life.

We had received threats and trouble was brewing, but was new in the world's crime capital. I as slightly unfazed by the current turmoil of the town. I needed to focus on me. I needed to work out what I wanted.

Talk of murder, bombs- the usual happenings of Mt Thomas. Little did I know that I would be faced by such a situation. But I couldn't be any further prepared.

Clancy had just dropped of a bag he had been handed to by a strange fellow. Everyone was out of the station. The boss was out at his car, and every one else was at the Baxter's property. I was in charge. I like being charge. Heavens known that this was the first time I had felt in control in days.

I told Clancy to leave the bag while I went to the toilets at the back of the station. Just as I opened the door to the ladies it clicks. I am in such a rush I do not panic. Clancy.......... Bag.... Threats........... Bomb............. WHAT????............. BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I run without any thought of possessions. I lose my name badge as I grab hold of Clancy's arm and drag him out of the station. He goes back and gets his hat ignoring my protests. Then it happens.

Debris fly and flames engulf the station. I watch the flames dance in the wind. I am just stuck in the moment. Still from shock, I flee. This was definitely the last straw. I run and I run, not knowing where I am headed. I need to escape. Mt Thomas is dead to me and I am dead to them.

As I sit on the bed of my hotel room, I watch the evening news. There is a report about the station. They think I am dead, only finding my name badge among the debris. They presume I am gone forever. I believe that it's for the best. I need to move on.

As the sun awakes and sets on each day, I feel sick. Homesick. My thoughts of freedom, have now turned to thought of home. Mt Thomas. How are those guys doing?

The Boss- Keeping cool-headed, giving advice

Ben- Probably in control, getting harassed by Rusty

Susie- Pining for Jonesy

Jonesy- Pining for Susie

PJ- the love of my life, not anymore, but forever in my heart. He had probably moved on within days. Trying to mould the next blonde bimbo in to a Maggie replica/substitute.

At each sunset, I would sit on the beach and watch the waves pound the sand. How much the sea represented my life. Calm at first, even tranquil. But then as the waves crashed, I saw myself being pounded.

As each day passes, I grow more and more desperate to return.

Choose your own adventure... press delete if you don't want anymore. Or press reply if you want me to continue.

Feedback Please.... It is welcomed and I will not criticise you if you don't like it etc.... much

Thank You for reading it, if u have made it this far. I am not good at writing and I started writing this fic the instant the station went KABOOM!!! Its being a month in the making

Once again thank you... I am eternally thankful

Jane W... who wants to see your fics.... even if u think that they are crap... coz lets face it any fic is better than mine


	2. PJ's Point of View 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any thing associated with Blue Heelers and if I did I would have offered Jane Allsop a lot of money to stay and forced her to stay... well not forced her... insisted is the better term i think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I would have solved Grace's murder _a lot_ quicker!!!

**Dedication:** To all those who begged me to post it especially to Elle... who is a fantastic fic writer so I am nothing in comparison to her!!!! And she threatened me maybe I should call the Mt Thomas Police... they will save me!!! Then Elle would be jealous could Jo would have saved me and Jonesy given me mouth to mouth

And for Steff who posted it on

And to the reviewers who I think are crazy because this fic is sooooooooo crappy.

**Title:** Forgive and Forget

**Summary:** I would give you one but it would give it away

Here goes...

**FORGIVE AND FORGET 2  
**  
I lay awake in our ever so cold bed. I miss her sweet, warm and gentle touch. I miss her warm body lying next to mine. I miss waking up in the middle of the night and watching her sleep. Watching her take her every breath.

I long to hold her in my arms again, taking in her sweet scent. I long to hear her laugh and to see her sweet innocent smile.

But then again I do not blame her for leaving. I pushed her further and further away. For her leaving I understand. That was my punishment. I did the unthinkable and I deserved it. But what we both did not deserve was what happened. She was taken. Taken from the earth.

I thought we could work through our problems. I thought we both just needed some time to cool off. The next day at work was unbearable. I felt guilty for hurting her. I hid in my office weeping to myself for hurting her. But my heart broke when I saw how miserable she was. Our friends, colleagues blamed me for her sadness and I agreed. It was my fault. I got hold of the news that she wanted a transfer. I could not blame her. After all, I would have done the same thing.

When I confronted her at the pub that night, she said she had reassessed her life goals and she did not need Mt Thomas anymore. She did not need me anymore.

The two days she was initially gone for, I had reassessed my life goals. I soon realised that what I said earlier in the week in my office was what I truly wanted. I wanted to be with her forever. Raising our babies, Emily Georgia and Patrick Joseph. I did not want to live another moment without her. So that day, the day I saw her so miserable, I started to hatch a plan. Something that showed her how much I needed and loved her.

I had not slept a wink since she left, so I started straight away. I got out my keys and opened the locked boxed that I kept in our wardrobe. I still can not believe how I managed to keep Jo's prying eyes from discovering the box.

Inside the box was everything that was important to me. Pictures of family. My father, my mother, my sisters. Pictures of Maggie. But most of the box was full of Jo. Pictures upon pictures of her. Pictures of us. Little letters she liked to write to me and put around the house and my desk for me to discover.

The next afternoon is the time I will never forget. We had been called back to the Baxter's to implement our warrant. Jo stayed back as she was designated watch housekeeper. She wanted to come but she could not. I missed her accompanying me on cases. I loved how she stood up for the innocent and would not go down without a fight. I saw the investigative side of her and watched her flourished in the time we had worked together.

After leaving the Baxter's, without any clues or evidence, the radio delivered the most unimaginable. Mt Thomas Police Station had being destroyed by a blast and demolished by the fire that followed. My heart sank as I realised Jo was still at the station. Tears soon followed and I reacted by pushing the accelerator as hard as I could. When I pulled up to the station I saw it being engulfed in flames. "Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!" is all I remember saying, rather yelling.

In the days that have followed I have barely slept, hoping to wake up and realise it was all just a dream. But as the minutes kick over I realise its not a dream.

As I sit in our bed I hug her pillow. The tears freely flow down pass my cheeks and fall to the pillow. Her scent still remained and it felt like she was still there. As I continue to sit there, I flick through the album I started to make. The album that was part of my plan to show her how much I needed her. The album contained the pictures and letters I had kept hold of. Now I also had her name badge. As I read her name, and caress the badge with my thumb, tears continue to flow. It seemed unfair that Clancy had managed to escape and return to Leonie his wife. At least someone was happy out of all this mess.

It had been a week since the bomb that took my Joey, my soul mate, and my best friend I returned to work looking a complete mess. I had not shaved and I had barely slept. I could not concentrate on my work and found myself scribbling Jo's name over and over again. I continually wrote I love Joanna Parrish over and over until the page was darkened in pen.

A month had passed and I was running on autopilot. I was getting warnings from Rusty that I was slipping and that if I had continued I would find myself demoted. Days later he told me that a Detective Senior Constable was to be sent to help me with the workload.

The identity of the new detective was very hush hush. All that I knew was that she was a she and that this was her first post as a Detective. I hoped it was Jo, but I knew that was impossible. It should be Jo the new Detective as she was the best there was and how much I longed for her to return and for us to work side by side again.

On a quiet Thursday morning I arrived to work to find someone with brown hair standing in my office.  
"Excuse Me," I said

"Sorry I am...."

Then she turned around then my mouth dropped

who is she???? I wonder!  
Well here is chapter two of my crappy fic... more can come but I must warn you they are not good... funny I have not even wrote them yet.

There could be more... I will leave that to you!!!

Jane W


	3. PJ's Point of View 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any thing associated with Blue Heelers and if I did I would be able to buy some clothes at K-Marts Clearance sale... I have my eye in a particular pair of jeans

**Dedication:** To all those who begged me to post it especially to Elle... who is a fantastic fic writer so I am nothing in comparison to her!!!! And for Steff who posted it on now I have finally figured out how to post the stupid thing and to all the lovely reviewers who I think are crazy because this fic is sooooooooo crappy.  
**Title:** Forgive and Forget

**Summary:** I would give you one but it would give it away

Here goes........

**FORGIVE AND FORGET **

"Sorry I am Detective Senior Constable Amy Fox' (A/N: dum dum dum (u know the music I am talking about), you all thought it was Jo!!! :P Keep tuned because that may come, I have 7 Chapters planned, but not written)  
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, "I am the new CI member"

I could not stand this new member of staff. Do not get me wrong, she seemed nice enough. But I do not know. I saw her as a replacement for Jo. Jo was meant to be the one I worked with. Always adding an insight that I could not. Always finding those extra clues that seemed trivial at first, but often solved the case. I missed her working beside me, watching her comfort the families and victims. Every time she did this she had her heart out for everyone to see. And mine melted, as I adored her compassionate side.

I could not stand coming home, something I would not look forward too. Everywhere and everything reminded me of Jo. I suppose that is a good thing that I will never forget her, and I never want to. I walk into the house and it smelt like Jo, as if she had not left. I walked over to the table and I could remember all the mornings I woke up and found her sitting at the table and that gorgeous innocent smile she greeted me with every morning when she had realised I was in the room. As I reminisce tears begin to flow down my cheeks, I smile as I relive my memories. Tears begin to flow heavier as I realise Jo is never coming back. Never going to be in my arms again. Never will I stroke her soft hair or skin. Never will I able to stare into those intense blue eyes. Never will I hear her innocent playful laugh.

I was having a hard time coping. I could not cope with the thought of someone replacing Jo. My Jo, the one I wanted to have in my arms, falling asleep next to. When she was here, I was happy. Now that she is not, I will never be able to smile again. When she was here I went to sleep happy every night knowing the woman I loved was right next to me, safe in my arms, and no one could hurt her. Now it seems that I was the only one that could hurt her. I kept hurting her and I was too blind to see that she was in pain. Too blind to see that we were drifting apart.

Now our bed felt so cold. So uninviting. Work was not the same. It felt so empty without Jo. I could hear her laughter in the muster room, so I left my office. But to my disappointment it was just a memory. I sigh and head back to my office.

I missed working with Jo. I missed Jo full stop. I missed how used to walk in my office just to say hi. Her smile always brightened my day, even the shittiest one. Coming home with her just made it perfect. She made me smile even after Maggie, when I thought it was not possible. She was Jo and I loved her. I did not deserve her but the powers that be blessed me with her. And for that I am grateful. I hope I never lose the memories of Jo. She made life liveable, and her presence made me feel alive. Now that she is not here, I do not know what I will do.

Working with Amy was unbearable and driving me crazy. She was overtaking my work. Criticising my ethics and capabilities.

Finally I said that this had to stop. That afternoon I went in to see the boss and confronted him with my concerns.  
"Yes Hasham?"  
"Boss I cant stand her"  
"Who?"  
"That bloody Fox woman"  
"We all have people we can not stand. Especially those Baxter's. They murdered my wife, killed my people, destroyed my station..."  
"Boss" I say frustrated

"And why can't you stand her?"  
"Let me see. Where do I start?" She is looking over my shoulders, criticising my abilities and procedure. Shall I continue?"  
"No, you have said enough"  
"And what do you plan to do about it?"  
"There is nothing I can do about, so you will have to deal. The bastard of Inspector sent her and you will have to put up with her"  
"Either she goes or I do"  
"Well tough, looks like you are the one that is going, pack your stuff and get the hell out"  
"See you boss, and try to get over this attitude, its rather overdramatic"

I stormed out of his office and back into mine. I missed the old boss, after all what had happened he was bitter and his whole attitude had changed. It seemed the old Tom was not going to return, and for that I was sad.

As I stormed over to my desk, I collect my mobile, keys, wallet and jacket. I ignore Amy's questions of where are you going?

As I enter the muster room, I say to my colleagues "See you guys I am outta here, can't stand the Fox woman, can't stand the boss, can't stand life so I am leaving Mt Thomas"  
Ben replies, "Where are you going"  
"Going to Sydney, for a holiday at least. I just got to get away. Do not worry I will be back in Mt Thomas but not back in this station." And with that I walked out the door and headed home.

As I enter the house, the smell of Jo engulfs my nostrils. I enter our bedroom, and tears once again begin to flow. I sit on our bed, holding Jo's pillow for comfort. I sit like this for 10 minutes or so. I get up and starting packing. I pack clothes and a photo of Jo, because there is no way I am going any where without seeing her smile, her radiant skin

I arrive in at my Sydney hotel at 2 pm. I buy the local paper to see what is on around town. As I turn to the photos of the social page, something catches my eye. I scan over the page again, but do not see what first attracted my attention in the first place, as I am about to turn the page after giving up on looking, the corner of my eye catches what I was looking for. It's Jo in the background of the one of the photos. She looks unhappy and is sitting at the bar with a drink in her hand. She is staring thoughtfully and hard into the full glass. A smile widens on my face as I realise the possibility that Jo may be still alive.

Well here is chapter three of my crappy fic... Which I personally think is worse than the other two

Choose your own adventure................ There could be more... it is up to you

I would like to thank the reviewers again, as they take the time to read and review my crappy de la crap!!!!!

Jane W


	4. Jo's Point of View 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any thing associated with Blue Heelers and if I did I would have my own computer connected to the net and perhaps post more fics ;)

**Dedication:** To all those who begged me to post it especially to Elle... because she always wants more- heavens know why! And her fics rock!!! And don't forget to check out her new site pjjofics. greatnow. com And for Steff who posted it on now I have finally figured out how to post the stupid thing and her fics rock as well Blaire- Your crazy coz u want more and happy birthday for today (21st August)  
And to all the lovely reviewers who I think are crazy because this fic is sooooooooo crappy.

**Title:** Forgive and Forget

**Summary:** If I told you I would have to kill you- that would ruin the story and I would be sent to jail

Here goes...

**FORGIVE AND FORGET 4  
**  
I sit in my cold hotel room. It's not cold in temperature. It feels cold, so uninviting. So not home. I long to be in my own bed. With my own sheets. With a room full of my furniture and my possessions. It also feels cold because the man I love is not here. Not holding me in his arms to keep me warm and protected.

I had rarely ventured outside my hotel room since I got to Sydney. Only on a few occasions. And that was only down to the bar downstairs for a drink. But I could not stand it down there. The bar was full of happy couples getting their photos taken by the local paper's photographer.

I cannot stand the happy smiling faces. I look deeper into my drink. The happy couples remind me of happy times. The happy times seems so long ago. So long ago did I feel happiness? But that ended.

I long to return home. But something tells me no. No it is too hard. I could not bare to be prod and probed with questions. The what, when, why, hows. I could understand why they would do that. After all I would do the same if I was in their place.

I would want to know how they escaped. When did they? When did they plan to come back? Why had not they told us that they were ok and safe. Where had they been? Most of those I could answer, but whether I had the courage to see them was another thing.

So many times I had picked up the phone to dial any one of them, but I hung up just as many. I backed out because I was so scared. Scared of what they would ask me. What they would think of me. But most of all I was scared of them being disappointed with me and did not feel that I was trustworthy anymore. Also that they hated me for putting them through hell.

The nights are bad. I miss my colleagues, my friends. I miss hanging out at the Imperial, basking in laughter and cheer. I miss their company. Within their company I felt safe and protected. And most of all I felt loved.

Now I fear that if I go back what will they think? I tricked them into thinking that I was gone. Gone forever. Never to return. I feel ashamed for the deception that I have created. And that if I do decide to return will they welcome me. Will they forgive me? Or will I be sent packing. In the shadow of a return I fear rejection. I hardly believe it would be a warm reception. For I know that if someone did the same as I, I would be hesitant to accept them back in my life.

I again pick up the handset of the phone but place it down just as quickly. My dears have always got the better of me. Fears of the known and unknown make us panic and often impede in our accomplishments of tasks. I have always given the impression that I am strong headed, nothing will ever get me. Little do most know that inside the tough exterior is a little girls who sometimes wants to curl up and cry her eyes out.

Over the past months that is all I have seem to be doing is crying. Crying to I think there is no more tears left to cry. Only to find a new set of tears cascade down my cheeks. Crying to my eyes are red raw. Crying to I eventually fall asleep. Only to wake up crying and in a sweat.

Nightmares haunt me as I relive what happened. What happened moments after the bomb. The moments after Clancy left my side and my escape.

DREAM  
Mt Thomas Police Station receded as I put it further and further behind me. I fled through a town alight with flames. Heavy grey smoke wrapped around about me like mist, stinging my skin. My face twitched, my hands shook uncontrollably. From time to time, my stomach turning, I staggered like a pendulum gone crazy. I ached to stop, lie down, but my legs disobeyed, dragging me forward. I kept on, one dash and then another and then another.

Like a human tide, people coming out to see had flowed into the alleys and lanes on the north side of the main street. After running first in one direction, then another, I found I was separated from anyone I knew. I dashed down a twisting lane that headed east, where the sound of the explosion and what followed seemed to be lighter.

I pulled myself together, and then continued, never looking back. Only when fire engines and police vehicles and other people had passed and nobody was around did I allow myself to slow down. Dragging my exhausted body, I limped though smoked-filled streets like a dog being chased, sniffing the ground, trying to find a corner to hide in.

Must flag down a car. Now the streets were strewn with obstructions- abandoned buses, taxis and cars. Except for the fire engines and police vehicles that followed right behind them, no vehicles were on the road.

An abandoned bicycle leaned against a wall under a yellow streetlight. Here before my eyes was a ready-made means of transportation.

After the desperate flight through half the town, my body was rebelling. My flesh and blood congealed, as though I might shatter at any moment. Crumble and fall around my own feet like pieces of plaster.

END DREAM

I give into my demons and pack up my bags. I head for Mt Thomas

I find out the new location for the Mt Thomas Police. As I pull up I notice the new station is much larger. There are more police vehicles. I find the front door. I take a deep breath and walk in.

Well here is chapter four of my crappy fic... Which I think is slightly better than the last but still crap.  
Choose your own adventure................ There could be more... it is up to you

I would like to thank the reviewers again, as they take the time to read and review my crappy de la crap!!!!!

Jane W


	5. Interlude

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any thing associated with Blue Heelers and if I did I would have my own computer connected to the net and perhaps post more fics)

**Dedication:** To all those who begged me to post it especially to Elle... because she always wants more- heavens know why! And her fics rock!!! And don't forget to check out her new site pjjofics. greatnow. com

And for Steff who posted it on now I have finally figured out how to post the stupid thing and her fics rock as well

Blaire- Your crazy coz u want more and happy birthday for today (21st August)  
And to all the lovely reviewers who I think are crazy because this fic is sooooooooo crappy.

**Title:** Forgive and Forget

**Summary:** If I told you I would have to kill you- that would ruin the story and I would be sent to jail

Here goes...

**FORGIVE AND FORGET**

Interlude

This is just an interlude that explains Jo's shock return in the eyes of the others. And is a link between Jo's chapter 4 and PJ's chapter 6.

The door opened, she went in and shut it behind her. She crossed the tiny entryway in five steps to the counter

She pressed the button/doorbell and waited for someone to greet her. Jo could no longer stand, her body swayed, and she knew she was going to fall. She collapsed. Her body went limp as her eyes closed and her head came to rest on the floor.

Ben had heard the bell go off and had instructed Jonesy to attend.

Jonesy looked up to the surveillance TV before proceeding to the front desk. As he gazed at the monitor he noticed that a woman was laying collapsed on the floor at the counter.

Jonesy practically ran to the front counter to offer assistance. He opened the gate and knelling beside the collapsed woman. As he turned her face towards him he instantly recognised a familiar face.  
"Holy shit" he whispered. "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Out here now!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled

Ben came running out to see what all the fuss was about. As he walked closer to the constable he commented, "Surely you can handle...."  
"Look" Jonesy interrupted making Ben look at the woman's face that was now cradled in his arms.  
"Holy shit!!!" "Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssiiiiieeeeeeeeee" he yelled "What is it Ben?" she asked coming over fast. "Jo?" she said stopping in her tracks.

The Boss had heard all the commotion and wandered over to the trio. Once glance as the collapsed woman he ran to the phone and dialled an ambulance.

Well here is chapter five of my crappy fic... its short to race up the story a bit and for the next chapter to flow better....

Choose your own adventure................ There could be more... it is up to you

I would like to thank the reviewers again, as they take the time to read and review my crappy de la crap!!!!!

Jane W


	6. PJ's Point of View 3

**Forgive and Forget 6/?**

**Disclaimer:** Like everything else, I don't own a thing! The only thing I own is debt…and a lot of it too! So if you don't want debt I just suggest you imagine I own them for the time it takes you to read this fic, that way we don't all get caught up in the legal mumbo jumbo.

**Dedication: **Apparently there **were** some people who "liked" it. Don't understand why though. Beats me!

Elle- Your honesty, loyal ness and talent make me strive (or attempt to-my fault not yours!) You are the bestest friend

Manda- You also wanted to hear more of this dribble! So dribble dribble dribble. You too are a great friend

Blaire- You did too!

And some new person- can't remember her/his name they apparently wanted more too!

**Title: **Forgive and Forget 6/?

PJ's Point of View 3

I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, alerting my attention to an incoming call. I grunt. As I do not wish to be disturbed. I hesitantly retrieve my mobile and glaze at the screen. It reads "Work Ringing". I grunt even louder. What could they possibly want? Perhaps it was Tom begging me to come back. As if! As if that old insensitive bastard would care. Since the death of Grace he has being so bitter.

I take a deep breath in and build up enough to answer it.

"Hasham"

"She's here! She's here! She's here!" I hear someone scream into the phone.

"Excuse me. Slow down"

"She's here! She's here! She's here!" the erratic voice continues to barrel down the phone.

"Who is this?" I quiz

"Its Jonesy. Guess what!"

"She's here! But who is she?" I ask

"Jo. She's here!"

"Jo?" I feel faint. I feel my legs wobble beneath me. They are about to give out. I feel my body sway. I feel my grip around my phone loosen. My head feels light. I blink. Trying to recollect my thoughts.

"Jo?"

"Yes"

"Jo?"

"YES! She's here! Come quick!"

"Jo?"

"PJ, do you want me to send someone for you?"

"Jo… Jo's here!" I scream and I receive strange looks by people walking by.

I do not care because my Joey, my angel, my rock has returned and I could not be any more excited. A smile instantly broadens my face.

"PJ" I hear someone say into the phone.

"Yeah" I respond. My mind is elsewhere. In a daze.

"There's something you should know"

"Ah ha" I make an agreeing sound. My mind is still not entirely grounded.

"We've had to call an ambulance, she collapsed."

This grounds me. Brings me to my feet.

"What?"

"It's going to be ok. The paramedics have just taken her to the hospital."

"Ok, I'm coming home as fast as I can" I hang up. I must rush to the hotel, and pack my things. I then speed down the highway in the direction of Mt Thomas.

Seconds seem like minutes. Minutes seem like hours. Hours seem like an eternity, as I speed down the highway. I know I am breaking every speed limit ever set down, but that doesn't bother me. All I care about, all I'm focusing on is returning to Mt Thomas.

It is like everything and everyone is against me. Getting every red light, stuck behind elderly drivers going at a snail's pace to bowls or bingo or whatever they get up to. I don't car. I want to go back. I want to be there. There to hold her hand. There to reassure her. And most of all I wanted to make sure it wasn't yet another nightmare. I want to reassure myself that she is there, hopefully to stay.

I know I have being the biggest bastard imaginable towards her in the time leading up to her departure. But I want to make it up to her! I need to show Jo how much I have missed her. How I much I need her. How much I love her.

Over the past yeas I look back and there is Jo, always. She helped me move on from Maggie. Maggie- the thing that started it all, the thing that ended it all! Perhaps it was cold feet that brought up the past. I had gotten so close to marrying Maggie, that perhaps I was afraid I wouldn't get that far with Jo. That something might happen to her.

But it was completely selfish and ignorant of me to bring it up! I know Jo acknowledged that Maggie and I had a past, but I knew she didn't appreciate it when the topic was raised. It was my constant raising of the topic that ultimately drove Jo away.

It was Jo who got me through the pain of Maggie. But its now up to me to work through the pain I feel and the pain Jo feels. I am the cause of this pain, and hell, I am going to cure it. I need to tell Jo how much she means to me!

Her loving, warm nature always keeps me fascinated. Her ability to stand up for everyone and her beliefs constantly amazes me. As I look back, Jo is always the one that brings the smile to my face. The one who offers me support and comfort. She keeps me grounded. Jo is my rock, my tower of strength.

I pull up to the hospital car park. My heart begins to race. For somewhere in the sterile white walls lays Jo, my love, my soul mate.

Before I turn off the ignition and listen carefully to lyrics that are being played.

I'm not a perfect person 

_There are many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

(ACTION: PJ's enters hospital. Slow motion. Runs up to admission desk to she where Jo is. Once he is told where she is, pushes of desk and continues to run in slow motion.)

I've found a reason for me 

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

(ACTION: Slow motion running up to room. Stands at the door)

I'm sorry that I hurt you 

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear_

(ACTION: PJ slowly enters room. Stands by her bed and takes hold of her hand. The "camera" does a close up when their hands join)

I've found a reason for me 

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you_

Tears begin to well up as I once again feel the connection when our hands touch again. I could instantly feel her pain too. The pain began to consume my body as I broke down beside her.

I'm not a perfect person 

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for al that I do_

_And the reason is you_

Our eyes meet.

And that concludes another dreadful chapter of my fic!

I shall not go on and on how bad it is because that just takes up room in you inbox, and I know how ANNONYING that can be!!! And also I'm tired. Who would have thought after a weeks worth of complete bed rest (doctors order!) would have made me this tired…but it could also be due to the fact I have being having my Iron tablets (smacks hand)


	7. Jo's Point of View 3

**Forgive and Forget 7/?**

**Disclaimer:** Like everything else, I don't own a thing! The only thing I own is debt…and a lot of it too! So if you don't want debt I just suggest you imagine I own them for the time it takes you to read this fic, that way we don't all get caught up in the legal mumbo jumbo.

**Dedication: **Apparently there **were** some people who "liked" it. Don't understand why though. Beats me!

Elle- Your honesty, loyal ness and talent make me strive (or attempt to-my fault not yours!) You are the bestest friend (The song "When You Say Nothing At All" is dedicated to you!

Manda- You also wanted to hear more of this dribble! So dribble dribble dribble. You too are a great friend

Blaire- You did too!

Willow- It means a lot that you want to hear more. You are such a fantastic fic writer.

**Title: **Forgive and Forget 7/?

Jo's Point of View 3

Our eyes meet.

As our hands once again connect it is like no time has lapsed. The pain instantly flees my body. Because here, before my eyes, is the man I love with all my heart. The man I can rely on. The events that have recently occurred have ceased to exist, just distant memories.

I glance over at him. He looks as if he is in pain. Am I the cause of this pain? Did my selfishness tear away at him? Why do the tears roll down his cheeks? Am I that much of a disappointment? I know it! He doesn't want me at all! Why did I even bother to come back?

So much for my happy ending 

_Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh_

_Lets talk this over_

_It's not like we're dead_

_Was it something I did?_

_Was it something you said?_

_Don't leaving me hanging_

_In a city so dead_

_Held up so high_

_On such a breakable thread_

_You were all the things I thought I knew_

_And I thought we could be_

_You were everything, everything that I wanted_

_We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it_

_And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away_

_All this time you were pretending_

_So much for my happy ending_

_Oh oh, oh oh, oh…_

Then why is he here sitting beside the hospital bed in which I lay? Does he fell guilty? Are those happy tears? Are they sad ones? Have I being away so long that I am unable to read him anymore?

I open my mouth constantly, but no words seem to voice themselves. It's all my fault. I now lay amongst a tangled web of deceitful lies. Perhaps it is time to move on and begin to apologise for all the pain deception, heartache and tears I have obviously created.

Our eyes once again make contact. God, how I miss those intense loving blue eyes! How I've missed that incredible tanned skin! How I've missed his warm loving touch! How I've missed him so much! Every inch of my body yearns for him! His eyes yet again make contact. I look deep into them. It makes me feel warm. It makes me feel loved. It makes me feel comforted. He still says not a word.

It's amazing  
How you can speak  
Right to my heart  
Without saying a word,  
You can light up the dark  
Try as I may  
I could never explain  
What I hear when  
You don't say a thing

As he stares into my eyes, a smile than takes over his entire face, instantly brighten his whole presence. His grip around my hand tightens. I too smile and my grip around his hand tightens.

The smile on your face  
Lets me know  
That you need me  
There's a truth  
In your eyes  
Saying you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says  
You'll catch me  
Whenever I fall  
You say it best  
When you say  
Nothing at all

I hear commotion at the entrance to the hospital room. Its all my former colleagues. But they are blurred out into the background as I focus all my energy onto PJ.

All day long  
I can hear people  
Talking out loud  
But when you hold me near  
You drown out the crowd  
(The crowd)  
Try as they may  
They can never define  
What's been said  
Between your  
Heart and mine

But does he really want me? Or is just acting in shock or guilt? I stare again in those big blue eyes of his and I know. Oh how I know!

_The smile on your face  
The truth in your eyes  
The touch of your hand  
Let's me know  
That you need me_

"Jo…"

Well here is chapter seven of this long and dreadful fic! Thanks to Avril Lavinge and

Ronan Keating for letting me use your song lyrics…I promise not to hold a gun in the back of your head next time!

There may or may not be more!

Jane W


	8. PJ's Point of View 4

**Forgive and Forget 8/?**

**Disclaimer:** Like everything else, I don't own a thing! The only thing I own is debt…and a lot of it too! So if you don't want debt I just suggest you imagine I own them for the time it takes you to read this fic, that way we don't all get caught up in the legal mumbo jumbo. Blue Heelers and the characters that currently appear or have appeared in the show belong to the respective owners. So does the wonderful lyrics of "Angel' a.k.a. "Arms of the Angel" belong to Sarah McLachlan. As does Evanescene's "My Immortal". Unlike the owners I have no talent to create such beautiful words, characters and lyrics. I thank the owners for letting me borrow them for a short while

**Dedication: **Apparently there **were** some people who "liked" it. Don't understand

As always, I'm still not sure how any one can like this fic. Maybe you are having trouble sleeping and instead of going on expensive pills you read this and fall into a deep slumber. I don't blame you!

**Title: **Forgive and Forget 8/?

PJ's Point of View 4

"Jo…"

"JOOO"

"JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Please don't tell me that it was a dream. I don't want to know. I cannot be any more heartbroken then I already am.

I roll over and turn to face her side of the bed. My eyes scan every inch of the sheets that don the mattress, and as every stitch of fabric I see, my heart shatters piece by piece. Tears well up in my eyes, but do not cascade down my cheeks in the off chance that she may have briefly entered the room.

Seconds tick over. Than come the minutes, and still there is no sight of my angel sent from above. My eyes are fixated on the door. Just waiting for evidence that it was all just a dream. That the bomb that exploded at the Mt Thomas Police Station was just a figment of my imagination. That the flames that followed the explosion didn't wipe away everything, including the one thing that matter the most. My soul mate, my angel, my all, my everything.

Now I cannot stop the tears from flowing. It seems like an eternity since I last held her. Since I last took in her sweet smell. Since I saw that bright beautiful smile. Since I kissed those sweet lips. How I would give anything to have her back. I really ruined everything. And not just a little bit. I have ruined everyone's lives including my own. How I wish she were here lying beside me. How I wish she were lying in my arms. How I wish she were here making everything perfect again. After all Jo symbolises perfection. How I wait for her to join me again.

_Spend all your time waiting  
For that second chance  
For a break that would make it okay  
There's always one reason  
To feel not good enough  
And it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
Oh beautiful release  
Memory seeps from my veins  
Let me be empty  
And weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight_

In the arms of an angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line  
And everywhere you turn  
There's vultures and thieves at your back  
And the storm keeps on twisting  
You keep on building the lie  
That you make up for all that you lack  
It don't make no difference  
Escaping one last time  
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear  
You are pulled from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort here

My eyes are so glazed over in tears, that I am unable to see the door anymore. I blink away the tears quickly. My eyes then again resume their fixation on the door, without blinking, just in case in that moment of darkness she happens to walk in.

(Intro music of My Immortal by Evanescene)

I tear my eyes away from the doorframe and fixate them on a picture of my angel. I cannot help let the tears flow. I scan every inch of her picture perfect skin. That glowing radiant smile. The spark in those deep blue eyes. My heart aches. The pain grows and grows each second that I'm away from her. How I ache for her soft warm and gentle touch. How I would give up everything to hear her speak or see one of her bright smiles that could even light the darkest room.

_I'm so tired of being here   
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
and if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me_

_You used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

(ACTION: PJ runs out of the room, tears blinding his vision)

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me_

Once again I apologise for stage directions, I just had these images in my head bursting to get out, and I hope it kind of helps set the scene that has continuously played over and over in my mind

So ends another chapter!

Signing off,

Jane W


	9. Jo's Point of View 4

**Forgive and Forget 9/?**

**Disclaimer:** Like everything else, I don't own a thing! The only thing I own is debt…and a lot of it too! So if you don't want debt I just suggest you imagine I own them for the time it takes you to read this fic, that way we don't all get caught up in the legal mumbo jumbo. Blue Heelers and the characters that currently appear or have appeared in the show belong to the respective owners. So does the lyrics of "Nobody's Home' who belong to Avril Lavinge. Unlike the owners I have no talent to create such beautiful words, characters and lyrics. I thank the owners for letting me borrow them for a short while

**Dedication: **Apparently there **were** some people who "liked" it. Don't understand

As always, I'm still not sure how any one can like this fic. Maybe you are having trouble sleeping and instead of going on expensive pills you read this and fall into a deep slumber. I don't blame you!

**Title: **Forgive and Forget 9/?

Jo's Point of View 4

As I come to familiar streets, I feel as though I am returning home. This is home. This is where people who I care about live. This is where people who care about me live. Do they still care?

I know quietly stand on the footpath of where I used to live. Memories flood my mind. The smell of roses that line the driveway. The fresh country air. The only sound the songful chirp of the birds. Country peace and serenity. I used to call this home. But I left. Left without looking back. Now I have returned. I want everything back to the way it was.

Life does go in Mt Thomas it would seem. The grass is greener. The trees a little taller. But still the calm, relaxing harmony of nothing. No bother in the world. No worries. No fears. Then my eyes fall upon the door. I focus on the door as I slowly walk to the door. My slow pace turns into a pace then a slight jog as I run closer to the door. I run faster and faster. I want to tell him I am here! That I have returned.

I would understand if he did not want me back. I created a world of deception, a deceitful web of lies.

The door handle is in reach. My heart beats faster and faster. My pulse increases rapidly. I am anxious. All I want is to be in his safe warm arms, where I feel protected and safe. Warm and loved. I knock.

And I knock

And I knock

Well, I couldn't tell you  
Why she felt that way  
She felt it everyday  
And I couldn't help her  
I just watched her make  
The same mistakes again

What's wrong, What's wrong now?  
Too many, too many problems  
Don't know where she belongs  
Where she belongs

No one seems to be home. I knock louder and louder until my knuckles begin to bruise. No one is here! I cannot help but begin to well up with tears. Sniffs become sobs. As I slide down to the ground.

_She wants to go home  
But nobody's home  
That's where she lies  
Broken inside  
With no place to go  
No place to go  
To dry her eyes  
Broken inside_

Open your eyes  
And look outside  
Find the reasons why  
You've been rejected  
And now you can't find  
What you've left behind

She wants to go home  
But nobody's home  
That's where she lies  
Broken inside  
With no place to go  
No place to go  
To dry her eyes  
Broken inside

Her feelings she hides  
Her dreams she can't find  
She's losing her mind  
She's falling behind  
And she can't find her place  
She's losing her faith  
she's falling from grace  
She's all over the place, yeah

She wants to go home  
But nobody's home  
That's where she lies  
Broken inside  
With no place to go  
No place to go  
To dry her eyes  
Broken inside

She's lost inside  
Lost inside, oh ohhh yeah  
She's lost inside  
Lost inside, oh ohhh yeah

I cannot take it any longer. I run.

I head to the old Mt Thomas Police Station. As I turn to the corner, I see a burnt out shell that used to be called the Police Station. Now it lays in rubble. Life has stopped there but continues to go on around it. I stare. And I stare. I caused this. Not the bomb itself. But the grief that followed it. Tears flow freely. My emotions run wild. I cannot help but let it all out. I have being keeping it bottled up.

I take in the destruction. Utter ruins. It definitely isn't the Mt Thomas Police Station that it was when I left. When I skipped town. When I last saw it the whole place was engulfed in flames. Flames that danced in the wind. Flames that only meant all was about to be lost. Now remains a dried out old existence of what was a working environment. With the daily influx of irate residents and persons passing by the small country town.

I turn my back to the station I cannot not bare to look at it any longer. It makes the pain seem all to worse. This burnt out building resembles my life. I've destroyed it, and all those associated with it. This is too real. So close to home. I stare at the bench sitting beneath two talk gum trees that are across from the station. There sitting on the bench is a sad solum figure. The figure looks so fragile. So overwhelmed with pain and grief.

_Her feelings she hides  
Her dreams she can't find  
She's losing her mind  
She's falling behind  
And she can't find her place  
She's losing her faith  
she's falling from grace  
She's all over the place, yeah_

She wants to go home  
But nobody's home  
That's where she lies

Once again I apologise for stage directions, I just had these images in my head bursting to get out, and I hope it kind of helps set the scene that has continuously played over and over in my mind

So ends another chapter!

Signing off,

Jane W


End file.
